Confessing

You do not know nor do I know
If all that I have been writing
Is true
Is fair
Is real
Or can it turn likewise
Breaking the dreamy barricades
Barriers invested in language
A coded complexity of emotions
Taking different shapes
Along the chronology of our scale
Time shall definitely answer
What it has got in its store
For somebody like us
To begin with,
You are not the first to be so
To be my love, but yes in the campus life
As a university student, you are the one!
In my life before you, there was one
Who wrote me wholly, poetically, sensationally, exaggeratingly beautiful
This you know already as I embarassed myself
In some of the splintered narratives in December 2023
That the person who liked me as intense
And passionate as I did, implicity
Covertly crafted poetry echoing
Secret passages of his desires tied to me
Yet, yet, I never had the confidence enough
In myself that- “I could be by someone
So handsome and intelligent be loved” ?
So I pretended and alienated myself
From the thoughts that mattered to him the most
Those thoughts on which his love for me centered
I broke it decentralizing myself from his amorous ring
And here I am today as a poet mimicking his hand
I have been writing so many for you ever since
The evening you seemed to gleam to me extraordinarily
So bright sending palpitations to my chest
And your leaving was the hardest to bear
To all those verses that guy had adorned on me, for me
I re- embellished them in the first three years
As a response to condemning my ignorance, chewing guilt and wading in melancholy
Though I sent not a single one to his mail
While I was doing my bachelor’s in English literature
But then you bewitched me while I joined my masters
Ours was not at all atypical of “the love at first sight”
Unlike the magical one I had at school
Yet, to me, you, I don’t know if all
The labour I have been putting via my pen
To paint you in every mindboggling angle
As much , as long as the colour of my cheeks
Would utter your name, smile, blush
I do not know for how long, I am afraid
Quite afraid of my mercurial mental make
For this matrix is a playgirl of all sorts
For which I scorn myself at a lot!
But you are way more special as you have held me
Better while I was in dire need of support
In you, I could peek through a paternal, fraternal and also a companionship
Secretly reserved for me wively that I envied
I never wanted any other woman around thee to compete
There was another midst the two of you
And glad that we are not talking now
It’s only you whom I am holding on to
Honestly, I don’t want this to expire
This moment, this image of you
Gifting me dark circles
Stealing my sleep
Yet, yet, yet, however
I want this to last until I would
Kiss good bye to this life and Earth.

-thepenchantwand